Sep 7, 2022
The Kittens In The Box At The Top Of The Stairs
A part of me always knew I’d end up with a box full of kittens. I’m a realist; when I turned 40 and looked at my life, it was almost guaranteed I’d have more than an acceptable number of cats.
These particular kittens were born to a bayou cat named Mack. She’s sleek and elegant with the graceful lines of an Italian sports car. She grooms herself immaculately, but I’ve seen her rip a lizard’s brain out in a mud puddle on more than one occasion. I’ve always admired a woman who wasn’t afraid to embrace her primitive side, so we hit it off immediately.
Perhaps sensing my desperate loneliness, Mack recently entrusted me with her litter of one-month-old kittens. She dropped them off outside my door, and I almost squashed a little black ball of fur when I walked outside. All six of them are the spitting image of their mother and possess her tranquil self-assurance.
I’m not sure who the father is. It could be any of the mangy males that congregate behind the gas station. It doesn’t matter, all of them are deadbeats, and I’ve told Mack time and time again not to waste her time with those losers. But, ever defiant, Mack ignored my advice and got knocked up by some shiftless, unemployed layabout.
After I got the kittens situated in a Home Depot box, I marched to the gas station to have a word with those bums. Mack protested, but I’ll be damned if I let these degenerates shirk their fatherly responsibilities on my watch. As usual, all of them were sitting around with no agenda whatsoever, just sun, fun, and casual sex.
They barely regarded my presence until I clapped my hands and demanded to know which one of them got Mack pregnant. I told them if I didn’t get any answers, I’d come back with a group of sadistic teenagers and their malnourished dogs. This got their attention, but the manager told me to leave before I could identify the father.
I trudged back home, unsuccessful. Mack was furious and wouldn’t even look me in the eye, but we made up over a plate of scrambled eggs.
Things haven’t been going as well for me at this point in my life as I anticipated, but for some reason, the responsibility of these kittens, Mack’s trust in me, and the bond we’ve all formed have made me feel infinitely better about my place in the world. It feels good to be needed, and while I haven’t yet figured out who the father is, believe me, we will have words when I do.
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